It was 7th august, 2004-- a day in my life worth mentioning. I was in 11th standard then. Rewriting the experience of 3 years back may lose its originality now. So I would rather leave the lines undisturbed that I had written in my diary that evening while I was drenched in tears.....
7/ 08/ 04, New Delhi
Today is the most successful day in my life till now. As long as I live I'll cherish this day with my whole heart. And I am thankful to God that He has made me the owner of this marvelous experience.
I have no exact word to describe that moment because the emotions that rose in my mind was a mixture-It was a feeling I never felt before.
It was around 5 o' clock in the evening. I was in my room of my hostel in Delhi and had just laid down to rest after studying. I looked around and saw both my room-mates asleep and rose up to utilize this opportunity.
I put on my walkman playing 'Music for meditation' by Vanraj Bhatia and closed my eyes to meditate. I wasn't very serious that day. My mood didn't claim any philosophical arguments. My main aim that evening was only to relax, use the opportunity of being alone, and get my mind more calm and focused in my studies.
I usually love to meditate through arguments, starting from the origin of everything...trying to rationalize the presence of soul, my being, the universe and God. And as I went on there came moments without answer, like unsolved puzzles filling me with an unbearable frustration to go beyond-- and I often howled and cried, looked around in surprise unable to establish the relation between the surrounding and me. That was the peak point of my meditations after which I joined my hands and ended before the 'chidakash' praying ' O the darkness, give me enough knowledge and purity to see through.'
Well, this was not how I went on that day. I wanted it lighter.
So I began my meditation imagining I was on a busy road like an invisible being. I saw cars and vehicles whizzing by, people walking briskly--A noisy, busy, crowded place and I tried to meditate. As I meditated I imagined myself being lighter and lighter and imagined rising up slowly. The vision of the street below me was now similar to the view from an aeroplane that just left the ground. I could see the cars moving like small busy rectangular toys and people like thoughtful ants.
After I was higher I saw only the tree tops. Then I could see the rivers like thin threads. Then the entire topography was like the palate of an artist mixing brown, green and blue. As I rose higher I could make out the curve of the earth and then the whole sphere with land and water. It turned smaller and smaller and in motion around the Sun. The other planets went on too.
Then the many systems around the different stars appeared like a busy pool. All in brisk movement in the dark.
Then I rose higher….. Many particles glittering in dark. Then a moment came when nothing was seen. I concentrated on my chidakash- the endless darkness before me. It was calm, wide and still. Here I searched my God with His being spread throughout- within each energy and mass. I tried to feel his continuity in whole of space. I tried to feel the relation between that continuous trail and me. I tried to feel I was a part of that continuity.
With that I ended my meditation for that day and slowly opened my eyes.
Just then I felt a chill in my backbone. It was as though a spinning wheel of electricity was stuck within my spine somewhere and it sent its sparks of force all around. I was so surprised that I gazed blankly unable to decide what should be done. Then fearing I would lose the trail of this strange feeling I closed my eyes again.
The wheel kept spinning and rose from my coccygeal region. However it did not travel the full length and stopped in the mid-way sending brisk impulse with a vibration spread throughout my body. I oscillated like a pendulum front and back with a rhythmic motion amplitude of which got shorter and brisk. I concentrated on the wheezing wheel. Its exact location could be sharply demarcated. It stopped there and spinned spreading the sparks of energy around my mid vertebral region. How long it lasted I do not know.
The vibrations kept spreading in circular path like the ripples in a pool or the seismic waves of an earthquake often shown.
After reaching a point the increasing vibration began to slow down at mild pace. My oscillating body began to calm down and slowly the vibrations submerged still keeping a slight motion somewhere within the spine for quite long. I waited for it to cease completely. Then I opened my eyes once gain astonished and amazed. I gazed blankly for a long time trying to recollect and gather what had just happened. I sat motionless and stunned trying to investigate the truth in it. Streams of tears spilled through my eyes. I cried like mad not knowing how I could best react.
To all those traveling in the same path...
[I called up my father that day to consult. He was my guide, guru and co-traveler. He seeked advise from his guru and I was told not to play with and that I should continue under good guidance. So I halted. But my excitement drove me to sit for another meditation after a day in which without much effort I got the result. Similar situation followed. However the vibration that day to my amazement didn’t start from the base as I expected but exactly the spot in the mid-region where it had spreaded the day before. It rose up and spreaded similarly near my neck setting me to oscillate again.
Well, after this I didn’t dare. My head was the next region in length I felt and I was afraid of any nervous damage. I recalled reading in a book somewhere that a body has to be carefully trained to hold energy. Energy sent beyond the capacity is not wise and could destroy. A guru-shishya tradition therefore prevailed so that a disciple’s capacity could be carefully judged by an experienced and dealt with accordingly. And this is logical no doubt.
However, I have sent numerous mails to different meditation centres and asked anyone I met with any knowledge of meditation and was more and more confused. Whom should I ask and rely on is a problem now. Some said, kundalini is your mother, it would never harm. Others said, never proceed until you are guided. I have stopped meditating for 3 years now and have already began to loose the ease with which I could proceed. Any visitor in my blog with a suggestion or similar experience mentioning the way you have handled or know how to be handled or knowing someone who knows how to handle could be of great great help really.]