Sunday, March 29, 2009

My perception of LOVE

Poster colour and brush, 26/3/09

Being an apprentice designer, I have lot of scope to allow my emotions to flow through me, to sit down and dig into my heart and analyze and realize and come up with my own theories and look at the world in a much wiser outlook everyday.

I have recently been illustrating poems on love. I was hence, reliving all the impulses that have once traveled through me, some which bounced, some which I turned away wisely, some which I longed for and allowed dreams to take over and some which trickled unknowingly to make its own beautiful story.

Well, and that makes me feel so bouncy today and thought must use this opportunity to fill my emotional container or this blog.

I yet do not know how infatuations, love and lust are distinctly separate. For me it has always been a difference in time. Yesterday’s love that allowed me to talk to winds, and whisper to rivers does seem a silly infatuation today. But that moment was true, so is this and its not really a justice to evaluate a moment with yesterday’s mind re-judging with this.

And like everyone feels, they are very unique than others, I too like to flatter myself with this hypothesis. I was fond of Sharat Chandra’s novels at an early age and perhaps that soft influence acting together with my being very emotional and at the same time having a knack to analyze everything bit by bit to its finest form, caused me to have developed different rapport with this emotion.

I live more within my world than this and that gives me so much scope to analyze things better and at the end of the day laugh out loud realizing ‘When you know yourself, you know the world.’

Falling in love too many times gains you the bad name of being a pervert and not falling in love at all frustrates so much that you look for alternatives and cling to it so hard that you tend to lose the softer aspects in life.

Well, I had my self-crafted way to deal with this emotion very diplomatically. I never needed a man. To know that I am loved by the one I wanted to be in love was just enough. All I needed was a voice to say, ‘dance’. And I danced. I danced with my perceptions increased high, I walked on the same path noticing every spec of dust assuming they have a secret message embedded and sometimes even forgotten which path I traveled in. I looked at the sky and admired its colours, I shivered even plucking a leaf thinking even they love me. My entire surrounding turned poetic resonating with a mysterious rhythm...and my interaction with the world kept me so busy that I never really felt the need of interacting with the man who caused it.

To let things happen practically, I like to be passive. It’s the Universe’s conspiracy to get hearts together. All I can do is open the door wide, keep it swinging partially or keep it closed till more trust thrusts in… to CAUSE anything is not my job anyway. But in any of these conditions I was at gain. Whether I opened the door to him or not I unhesitantly, opened it to my perceptions. I opened it wide enough to allow all the light to enter in bundles and get me bathed. I danced with new colours, new auras, new ‘urjas' bringing me closer and closer to the Universe every time. And the secret messages from the celestial world kept being whispered into my ears constantly making me so one with it.

All the poems that speak of trees turning greener and sky turning bluer when one is in love, I can undoubtedly agree to and not only appreciate as a poet’s hyperbole. I can so closely associate my experiences with the conversation in ‘Shesher Kobita’ by Tagore where Amit says to Labanya, ‘So far I had only known that birds sing, today I am realizing it.’

I have closely observed that the dual mind talked of in mediation becomes so prominent when in love. One part of the mind which observes and the other part which keeps wandering restlessly take different roles in love. One part engages in the daily activities trying to be very practical, discarding and suppressing the colour the new love has painted all over, and the other part is constantly painting. It splashes new colours over the large canvas of heart again and again and scribbles wildly with the large brush thick with paint and sometimes it drips out of the pallet and forms the glow that never lets one hide the secret of love.

And love for me is more of self-love. He has very little role otherwise except for donating his eyes. Eyes that so passionately looked at me even for a second, pupils dilated…though focused but lost, beyond the worries of outcome and clever tricks of love…outside the barrier of one’s self protecting ego and so strangely surrendered. So fixed, so haunting, so silent yet demanding! They can look through your own eyes, travel inside and break all the desire pots you thought you would never disclose.

I fix those eyes around me to inform my own eyes of all that things it can not see. It’s a new self discovery possessing the power to see oneself assuming as though being seen through an extra eye. And people in love if combs their hair in new ways everyday, adds colours to their outfit and watches the poetry in their steps are definitely not people seeking for more attention but catering to those silent eyes that they already carry with them.

I have never quite understood men’s way of love but I can confidently claim that a woman’s way of love consists a large part of the love for self. And perhaps that is why foreplay is more important to her where she can be flattered by the EXRESSING of love than simply MAKING it. And I often hear men assume so profoundly that the way a woman dresses is to excite a man. Not to generalize anything in this world full of varieties but I confidently believe all women carry a pair of the silent, extra eyes that make them so artful. A male’s assumptions to think himself as the target all the time and to claim sometimes that she provoked and so I forced seems so baseless. It could be that you assumed her extra eyes to have been yours but alas for her you never even existed in the game.


Sandip said...

Hi Aparajita,
I liked a lot your "My perception of LOVE" blog.
I do agree with a lot of things what you wrote. It's quite interesting the way have explained.

Wish you all the best further.



Niladri said...

Hi Aparajita,
Wish everyone could perceive and think like you. The 'clever tricks of love' you mentioned seems to overpower everything else. I myself wonder why people get such a wonderful thing to such meaningless level and I am realizing you are really 'at gain'.
I bless you with my whole heart. You seem to be so pure.

Lucky men who could make place in your heart!
God Bless,

PK said...

It was a delight to go through. I couldnt make out if it was a poem or an article...there was a hidden rhythm in every sentence beautifully engraved.

Yet to go through all your posts. Keep writing!

Well and one more thing is not all women think like you. I have been badly betrayed and now turned bitter.

You said you dont understand men's way of love. I will tell you. Our way is 'simple'. We donate eyes and turn blind and then dont have guts to look at anyone else again.

Didnt find a girl like you who could keep it safely.

great going!

Balaji Rao said...

hi aparajitha,

Your perception of love is mind blowing.In my view therez nothing like man's or woman's way of love...there is only Love.We need not understand our partner rather we use our partner as extra eyes to see and know the process we become more transparent and passive finally resulting in the merge of two souls burning vth unconditional love..hoo thats a great feeling

Mohsin said...

Really liked the way you write. The beauty of your thoughts with appropriate words put exactly in the way they were ought to be.Though the entire text left me kinda bewildered, I do read this part again and again:"a woman’s way of love consists a large part of the love for self"

I do agree with it, but not exactly the way you quote it. It could be a result of my catastrophes or all the negative thoughts filled within me but I do believe that women do have a knack for self-love in all the forms of their "self-proclaimed" sacrificing love. Well, I have to say quite a lot about this but it is supposed to be a comment in response to your blog-post and I should stick to limiting my words to a minimum. Overall, IT WAS GOOD !!!!

meverycoolguy said...

hi aparajita,
nice write once again though after a long time.
love is beyond any definition.when you say you have felt it, all those who have fallen once will perceive the joyful ride of it.
i can not disagree on your explanation of "womans love".
you have very clearly mentioned that a man is there to start the spark of love tough his presence is not needed anymore.that is what a woman dresses for.
her secret eyes are always ready to admire her, but her mind is always hungry to absorb more prise which make her feel worthy.
we cant see her eyes but the twinkle in his presence will tell what they are looking for.
nice to know that you are reading love poems. keep it up.

Placid_dreams said...

Hi Aparajita.. Your article has produced a spark in my mind which in your words is causing the waves to clash n producing strong currents..You ve very well expressed your emotions in fact have painted a bful picture of em .. But the question I face here is : Is what I feel ideal ? Can I use emotions as my tool for cognition ? Moving forward I think its hard for Love (by choice) to originate without admiration for the other individual, when "saying other things kept me busy n I did nt feel the need to interact with that person who caused it " can mean a few things .1 You aint giving no time to your love but actually you are giving all the time to your love , because its you yourself you are in love with but saying the other person to be its cause would be absolutely wrong. Because here you admire your values your attributed more than anything else here and if that person would have been atleast equally deserving , adorable, then you would have written the whole world conspired me to reach at his door.. But that does nt seem to be the case.. While saying something Love you have to be extremely conscious.... Now 2nd case ...Well you could also be trying to say that Love for someone is not a measure of physical distances ..Say if you really adore some ones values like you for example do of your guruji .. You yourself have written u used to find excuses or ways to go to him because u seem to admire him to the moon and back ..So no matter u stay away from such a person their touch their thought their presence IA always fresh in your mind.. So if you are saying that physical distances did nt bother you..then i think its valid .. but to say u had no urge to meet the person you Love would shatter the whole concept of Love. Self love is supreme but when you love someone because of their vales, then he/she becomes your personal value, you dont have to think to think them as one entity.. Now the part about self love .. Well Love is selfish was selfish and will always be selfish ..Because thats what makes is most beautiful, and to say I Love you, one must first define "I", and self love is the major determinant of "I".. You must know your identity and must know what makes you "you"..? Because when u say I love U the it means that I fully understand myself and as well as U and I am saying this beacuse of the extreme pleasure I am deriving from what you are from the values you hold from the way you look from your sense of life.... and your presence makes me forget everything...Just like you realise the power of music that day but actually its the power of love.. And its applicable for any individual may be a man or a every one is capable of excercising their mind to produce thoughts and hence feel emotions guided by em ...Now I am new to this thing ..I don’t know if you would be commenting back .. see if it makes any sense to you ..


Sures Kumar TS said...

Hi Aparajita...

Its hard to express what you feel.. That too it becomes very hard when it comes to love. You have done a great job... hats off to you!

I admired these two lines really...

"Yesterday’s love that allowed me to talk to winds, and whisper to rivers does seem a silly infatuation today. But that moment was true, so is this and its not really a justice to evaluate a moment with yesterday’s mind re-judging with this."

"I have closely observed that the dual mind talked of in mediation becomes so prominent when in love."

Continue writing...

yashmi said...