Wednesday, January 21, 2015

The perfect date...(a continual)

Digital Painting

If you are curious to what this is a continuation of, please refer to my earlier post called, "The perfect date--A brief encounter":

This is not the same man nor is it the same location. But sometimes life gives you a second chance. If you have somehow kept your eyes glued to that box from where the pigeon would fly out or to that hat of which an apple would pop out anytime and forgotten to engage with the magician, to watch the magician closely next time, sometimes life would give you a second chance...

These two men feel like the same to me. Same in their behaviour, same in the way they present themselves, elegant and sophisticated and lovingly and gently possessive from day 1. The day I met him, I realised how much I have changed and grown up. Though he was the same man, my response was different. I was no more the school girl or the teen-ager. I have by now found that comfort zone in me where it is very difficult to lose that ground even if a prince charming comes...well, even if he comes the second time.

However, this undoubtedly felt like the episode 2 of the same serial where the hero undergoes an accident, his face changed under a plastic surgery, but still has a lot of resemblance even in the physique and appearance and of course behaviour. With course of time even the heroine has changed in terms of her approaches and preferences and learnt to tackle better the same hero from Episode 1. But of course as they are the same pair, the same chemical composition that results in that irresistible, unavoidable magical combustible reaction, love is yet again in the air.

In the tomb of Cleopatra, a friend who visited Egypt had said to me was written that, she was not a beautiful woman in the conventional sense. But she knew how to entice men. Just mere beauty and being handsome is short-lasting in my opinion. You grow used to it very soon and the stair-case just ends with that one step there. It is art that adds infinite steps along that railing you can keep climbing to even if at the end of it is a suicidal pit waiting there. And some men, like some women, just know that art. It torments me to see how less men are recognized for that quality and history being "his story", women have become more than necessarily popular for this art-form and now even in a crime people say, "she must have been the one who seduced, else how could he have done that", almost believing every woman is a born-seducer and men are just poor victims to that.

And from this post, learn that we women are equally victims of the rare art-ful people who have cracked that art-form. But I have chosen to use that pain or pleasure, a mis-fortune or fortune to my advantage blaming no one and humbly writing this blog. So, rather than justifying any crime, sit down and write, or sing, be a poet, paint, become a nomadic traveller. But never support a crime or justify one.

Like I did in my previous episode, described the entire date, I will not describe in this one. Just know, this was one more rare opportunity to see the sky shower flowers from the heaven, a lake was nearby, birds flew around the setting sun. A man as charming as the Prince Charming himself, sat beside for hours giving that magic glance.

Now, as this was my second chance, I could see patterns. They never like talking about themselves so much as listening attentively and patiently to keep that charm last long. So gentle, so articulate, so the perfect man whose chest you would want to weep on, with arms so strong and yet palms so soft that when rested on your shoulder all your worries and doubts are wiped off. Whenever you look around and think, this is too good to be true, that magical, gentle palm rests on you to assure, "Close your eyes. Believe in the lie". And so you do. Like a moth caught up in the light.

I was more of a decent girl when I wrote the earlier post, disclosing the bits I felt could be disclosed and hiding the bits worth hiding. Now over time, I have become a shameless person who doesn't care.

It is indecent, or at least for us that of the Indian origin, it is indecent to attempt a kiss or support one at the end of the first date, even if it was the perfect one. But these rare magicians have so much confidence over their magic, only they can confidently attempt that. So, in my first episode with my every decent brought-up I made sure to gently turn him down. And then rest of the season I regretted, "If only I had agreed to his kiss, may be this could have then worked."

So, when the next episode began and ended in a day when the magician bowed down with his hat, and wanted to kiss before he departs, dreamily, eagerly, like a puppy desperately seeking for love, this time I tried it differently, so that my this season would show a different result. We kissed.

If I just write on that kiss I can write a novel perhaps. As soon as it begins, you would realise all that magic on the chair across the dinner table you were enticed by, was just a trailer and nothing at all. This is that special performance, the rare magic trick the magician discloses only behind the curtains to only the chosen ones.

It felt like a snake, a giant anaconda swallowing you up, softly holding you to inject the poison first, and then as the poison enters you numbing you down, it tightens the grip, so tight your hearts now feel conjointly breathing together, it coils you up to smother you, making you feel like a mash. When you have lost your senses, pushed your arms enough over his chest to loosen the death-trap, struggled to survive one last time and then remained still and dead, surrendered... it then eats its prey, slowly, for a timeless period of time, for eternity... for so long that you feel thats where you now belong. Another lie but you would anyway believe like a foolish moth.

The purpose of my this post is not to write about the magic like I did in my first one. The purpose is to wisely spread the wisdom. Even this season I could not hold him long, despite of agreeing to his poisonous venom. And now I know those are never the reasons. If you happen to come across a man like this you are lucky and unlucky at the same time. You will regret if you meet. You will regret if you don't. You will regret if you kiss. You will regret if you don't.

The less you do, the more you would think of, "what would it have been like, if..."
The more you do, the more time you would take to throw him out of your mind.
The death sentence is anyway bestowed upon you from then on. You can only choose how you may want to die.

However, as I have become a little wiser, I am aware of how easily these magicians speak of being your private magician, but how difficult you would see that is when you actually take them behind the curtain, off their magic-robe, when the show is over, the wand is kept on the table, the gown is hung on the wall and the magician tired from the day's work rests like a normal person, with all the insecurities and doubts and fears a normal person has.

And as I have become cleverer, I have managed to take this magician by his wand and revealed a bit of that human, opened his boxes and saw some of the dead rats and pigeons kept stinking there. So, my main learning is, it is not that these charmers never settle down or would want to settle down ever. But would you be fine if "Raj" from "Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge" was what you wanted and Shah Rukh Khan is what you got? Would you be fine if "Jack" from "Titanic" is whom you wooed and Leonardo Dicaprio was whom you had to settle down for? You think you would because the curtain is not lifted yet in your mind, but believe me you wouldn't. Thats the core message of my this post. The ultimate wisdom.

And most of the times the charmers have more insecurities than other non-performing humans. Acting can be tiring you see. And acting doesn't always mean dishonesty. You can even be an honest performer focusing on art, saying that one thing you can say casually with more charm, looking that one look you look everyday in a way to find the soul in another human.

Now to come to the moral of all these wisdoms, will I be a friend to myself and avoid next time a charmer? I am not sure really. That's what. As long as I meet artists in any form, shape, size or profession, I will always give in to art. Knowing that perfection is always a lie and truth is hardly a perfection, I will appreciate truth in its own bare form and perfection even if it is a performance, as long as it is a beautiful one. I would still be like a moth and flutter my wings towards a bulb knowing or without knowing there is practically nothing there in that light. And also when met with the imperfect truth, may I learn to be a butterfly.

I have now become wisely indifferent or differently wise. My wisdom tells me to consume all that is beautiful in this world even if that hurts. It tells me that ambrosia and poison often are served in the same ruby-crafted glass. With every sip it kills you a little and also brings you to life. If you are not fine with that, have Fanta or Thums Up. It has taught me that pain and pleasure co-exists almost without a clear line of separation. Like a painting of Rothko, in a dark black background with blurred red surface on the top... I would live in that gloom for weeks or months as long as that bright red surface keeps me fluttering like a moth.

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